


Keep Me Warm

by this_wayward_life



Series: Kinktober 2020 [23]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Emotional Sex, First Time, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Top Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:33:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27171802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/this_wayward_life/pseuds/this_wayward_life
Summary: It's rare that Bucky manages to sleep through the night.Steve can hear him, every night in the room across the hall, screaming and begging in his sleep for the pain to stop. Every night, without fail, Steve runs in to gather Bucky in his arms, to try and comfort him as Bucky shakes in his embrace. Sometimes Bucky pulls Steve into bed with him, making himself as small as possible as he burrows into Steve's side. Sometimes he follows Steve back to his room and holds his hand so tightly that Steve wonders if it's the only thing tying him to the world.--Day 23 - First Time
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: Kinktober 2020 [23]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1951222
Comments: 14
Kudos: 311





	Keep Me Warm

It's rare that Bucky manages to sleep through the night.

Steve can hear him, every night in the room across the hall, screaming and begging in his sleep for the pain to stop. Every night, without fail, Steve runs in to gather Bucky in his arms, to try and comfort him as Bucky shakes in his embrace. Sometimes Bucky pulls Steve into bed with him, making himself as small as possible as he burrows into Steve's side. Sometimes he follows Steve back to his room and holds his hand so tightly that Steve wonders if it's the only thing tying him to the world. Other times, Bucky will spend the rest of the night walking around the apartment, his near-silent feet leaving impressions on the floorboards that Steve tracks with his eyes every morning. Sometimes Bucky will kiss Steve with unbridled desperation, his arms and legs tight around Steve's body like he's trying to fuse them together. If he does, Steve will hold him just as tight, licking into Bucky's mouth like it holds the answers to the mysteries of the universe. In the mornings, Bucky never acknowledges their time locked together in the night.

Steve gets it. At least, he thinks he gets it. He and Bucky were never together before the war, before Bucky fell off that train and Steve crashed that plane in a desperate attempt to end his own life. There was _something_ , Steve knows that, but it fizzled out as soon as Peggy came into the picture and Bucky started distancing himself. And Steve's loved Bucky since they were sixteen years old and sharing a soda at Coney Island, and he's loved Bucky through the death of his mother and war and both of their deaths and Bucky's memory loss and PTSD, and he's probably never going to stop loving him. From the way Bucky looks at him, Steve has a feeling that he feels the same. 

And it's not like Steve's completely innocent in the continued non-communication between him and Bucky about whatever the hell they are. He could just as easily bring it up over breakfast, could lean over the couch on his way past and kiss the top of Bucky's head, could take him to bed and spend hours upon hours worshipping Bucky's body, bringing him to the brink over and over until Bucky can do nothing but scream Steve's name.

But he doesn't.

The nightmares are worse in winter, they learn. Steve buys blankets and pillows and space heaters, he insulates their apartment as best he can, he keeps the heater turned up so high he can barely stand it, but every night like clockwork he can hear Bucky's screaming through the walls.

It's early January, and Steve can't sleep. Bucky hasn't started screaming yet, and Steve knows he should try to get some rest before the inevitable happens, but instead he just lies on his back, staring at the ceiling. Earlier that day, Bucky had shuffled into the living room while Steve was watching television, a blanket draped over his shoulders. He was wearing sweatpants and one of Steve's shirts, and he'd silently walked over and draped himself across Steve's lap, reaching for his hand and twining their fingers together before promptly falling asleep. He'd stayed like that for two hours, curled up against Steve's chest, his soft hair tickling Steve's nose and his soft breaths fluttering across the bare skin of Steve's collarbone. He'd been so soft, so warm in Steve's arms, and Steve'd had to clench his fists to stop himself from sliding his hands under Bucky's shirt, to feel just how warm his skin was.

The door to his room opens, abruptly knocking Steve out of his daydream, and Steve sits up immediately. Bucky's standing in the doorway, his arms wrapped tightly around himself, and as soon as he sees Steve sit up he walks in, closing the door softly behind him.

"Buck?" Steve asks softly, reaching over to his bedside table to flick on the lamp. Bucky doesn't reply and instead keeps walking across the room until he's crawling up the bed and straddling Steve's lap, his hands immediately sliding under Steve's shirt and tugging it up. Steve lets Bucky undress him until he's sitting there naked, Bucky a warm, comforting weight on his thighs. As soon as the clothes are gone Bucky's flinging his arms around Steve's neck, pulling him as close as he can. It hurts a bit - Bucky's a lot stronger than he used to be, and his metal arm digs into the bare skin of Steve's back - but Steve holds him just as tight, tucking Bucky's head under his chin.

"Too cold," Bucky whispers. "Always too cold. You're the only thing that can keep me warm."

He starts wriggling around until Steve lets him go, and starts yanking his own clothes off. Steve leans back on his elbows to watch, absolutely transfixed - Bucky's gorgeous, all hard planes and tanned skin, his scars shining white in the lamplight, and Steve wants to press him into the mattress and blanket him with his body, keep Bucky away from the rest of the world. When Bucky's naked he yanks the duvet over their heads and flips them, pulling Steve on top of his body and wrapping his limbs around him.

"Bucky, Buck, slow down," Steve says in alarm, but Bucky shakes his head.

"Need you," is all he says, before his lips are pressing against Steve's with desperation. Steve lets his body sink into Bucky's, no longer holding himself up, and Bucky moans shakily as all of Steve's bulk rests on top of him. With some trouble Steve breaks the kiss, cradling Bucky's face in one hand as he lets out a whine.

"Buck, what do you want?" Steve asks, trying to ignore the way Bucky's hips are twitching and his ass is rubbing against Steve's rapidly hardening cock. Bucky's hands are shaking when he reaches up to grip Steve's hair, but his eyes are clear.

"You," is all Bucky responds with before he's kissing Steve again. Steve groans and lets himself go, pressing Bucky into the mattress and licking into his mouth. Bucky's hands tighten in his hair, sending little pricks of sensation through Steve's scalp. Bucky breaks the kiss, and without thinking, Steve tries to kiss him again, but Bucky's hands in his hair hold him back.

"Tell me you love me," Bucky whispers. Steve's terrified to see there are tears in his eyes. "Even if you're lying, I need to hear you say it."

"I could never lie about that," Steve breathes, gathering Bucky more securely in his arms. "I love you so much it scares me, Buck. I've killed for you, I've died for you, I've lived for you. I loved you in the trenches, and I loved you when I was in love with someone else, and I burned down the world for you." He leans down, kissing Bucky's cheek, his nose, his eyelids. Bucky's lower lip is trembling, his eyes wide and vulnerable, and Steve wants to tear him open and make his home inside Bucky's body, to never let them be apart again.

"I loved you when you were gone, and I loved you when I was dying." Steve's voice cracks as the tears start running down Bucky's face, those big silver eyes shimmering as he lets out soft, barely-there sobs. "I love you now, and I'll love you when I'm buried deep underground."

"Kiss me," Bucky chokes out, and Steve swoops down to capture his lips again. They taste salty, tears mixing with their saliva and running into their open mouths. Bucky clings to him, scrabbling at his back, at his chest, trying desperately to get closer, and Steve only just manages to reach out of their little cocoon to the bedside table, rummaging through one of the drawers until he finds what he's looking for. 

"Let me inside you," Steve begs, running his hands down Bucky's body until he can cup his ass, rubbing that tight furl of muscle with his thumb. "Let me make love to you. Let me..."

He trails off, transfixed by the way Bucky gives a full-body shudder underneath him. He's canting his ass back into Steve's hands, the movement of his hips making Steve's cock jerk and dribble against his inner thigh.

"Yes," Bucky whimpers, and Steve's lubing up his fingers and sliding one in right up to the knuckle. 

Bucky arches off the bed with a cry, his cock slapping against his stomach with the movement, and Steve buries his face in the crook of Bucky's neck, licking and sucking any skin that comes into reach. Bucky's so hot, so tight around his finger, and thinking about having his cock inside that wet, tight heat is enough for Steve to whimper and reach down to grip his cock tightly, trying desperately not to come. Bucky watches his movements hungrily, his mouth open and wet and panting, and Steve thinks about how gorgeous Bucky would look with those red, pouty lips wrapped around Steve's cock, his eyes closed in ecstasy and tears running down his face. Steve rubs against that little nub inside Bucky's body and he's screaming, his nails raking grooves into Steve's biceps as those thick, muscular thighs tighten around Steve's hips.

"More," Bucky gasps, and Steve kisses him hard as he adds another finger. Bucky's got his metal hand tangled in Steve's hair, his other hand gripping Steve's bicep hard enough to leave bruises, and his eyes are wild as he kisses Steve back with teeth and tongue.

"I love you," Steve pants, twisting his fingers inside Bucky's body just to feel him arch up into Steve's body. "Love every part of you. Love how you feel, love how you react. Love everything about you, Buck, always have."

Bucky sobs, pressing his forehead against Steve's as Steve adds a third finger. "You're my everything. Can't survive without you - don't care if it's unhealthy, don't care - fuck, Stevie, I'm selfish. Want every part of you, want you all to myself."

Steve nods frantically and kisses Bucky, feeling teeth sink into his lower lip and nails rake down his back. "Me too, Buck, me too."

Bucky yanks him closer, pulling Steve's fingers out of his hole with a hiss before lining himself up against Steve's cock, taking him in just an inch. Steve holds himself still, letting Bucky do whatever he wants, and only moves when Bucky lies back and looks at him pleadingly. He's so gorgeous like this - under the duvet, the lamplight is dim enough that it would be hard for a regular person to see. Bucky's hair is fanned out like a dark halo around his head, his lips bright red and a flush sitting high on his cheeks. Steve wraps one arm around Bucky's back, using the other to hold himself up over Bucky's body on his elbow as he pushes in slowly, his eyes rolling back as more of his cock gets enveloped in heat. Bucky's panting underneath him, his eyes squeezed shut and one hand holding Steve's wrist, his legs twitching around Steve's waist. When Steve bottoms out Bucky sobs, turning his head to press sloppy kisses to Steve's arm, his tongue pressing against the sensitive skin of Steve's wrist. Steve lets himself go, wrapping his arms around Bucky as tight as he can as he starts moving his hips.

Bucky pulls him into a kiss, his lips swollen against Steve's and his hands cradling Steve's face reverently. The salty taste of tears is still there, but Steve barely notices it as he grinds his cock further into Bucky's body, completely surrounded by the man he loves. Bucky's right hand is soft against his cheek, a big difference from the hard, unforgiving metal of his left, but the metal's warm from the heat of their bodies and seems softer, more malleable as the thumb strokes across Steve's cheek.

Steve doesn't know how much time passes. It could be a few seconds, it could be days, but eventually, Bucky's tightening around his cock and coming with a cry, his body arching so beautifully. Steve's been on the edge for a while - it could have been minutes, it could have been hours - and the clenching of Bucky's walls around him is more than enough for Steve to bury his face in Bucky's neck and come with a sob, his orgasm wracking through him and leaving him weak. Bucky's hands are combing through his hair gently, and when Steve looks up he sees Bucky's eyes half-lidded, his face drooping in exhaustion.

"I love you," Steve whispers. Bucky tugs him closer and leans down to kiss him chastely, barely wincing when Steve's softened cock slips out of his hole.

"I love you," Bucky replies just as softly. He guides Steve's head back to the crook of his neck and Steve gladly goes, making himself comfortable between Bucky's legs. Bucky's hair is still stroking through his hair, and Steve falls asleep as he presses a kiss to the skin under his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on [tumblr!](https://wayward-lives.tumblr.com)


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